The lady I help look after has been having to go to the hospital every day, and I and her husband wait in the waiting room. It got me reflecting on all the times I waited for Mom at doctor’s appointments, and got me missing St. Augustine (we used to go out to different favorite restaurants in the St. Aug. area after Mom’s appointments). It also got me writing – miracle of miracles.
I sat with Mom, for a few hours sometimes, wondering how long it would take.
Not how long the visit would last: no, wondering how long I’d have my mother. It hurt to wonder.
Each appointment brought it closer; how long would I have my Mom with me.
I was warned that Pancreatic cancer was *very* quick… sometimes a month or two. It was longer; my mother’s will was strong. It was 7 months: without chemo or radiation.
My Mom is gone now; four years this coming September.
It’s January now: four years since the cancer was first found. I miss her so much.
I moved from where we lived; I couldn’t enjoy the beach anymore – I missed her there too much. I couldn’t enjoy the restaurants I used to love any more; I couldn’t enjoy wandering the streets of the old town that I loved any more – I missed her there too much.
Besides, I hated Florida so much, I said — and meant it.
I moved to the North Carolina Piedmont, and love it. It’s right for me. It’s hills and valleys and coolness are good for me. I’m glad for the change.
I still miss Mom; I still grieve, but I’m moving on… or so I say.
I’m sitting in a hospital again, with a friend waiting for a friend to finish an appointment – a procedure.
I’m thinking back four years.. to other appointments; to a different town, and different time, and I miss my Mom – so much!